Bills, bills, bills!

I'm  going insane!  There isnt enough money coming in to pay all my bills. I have keep robbing Peter to pay Paul and I can't keep up! I sent him an email asking for help but I don't think he even cares that I'm suffering to get by. He is living at home with his parents not paying rent, not paying for gas or electric. His bills are nothing compared to mine and he left me high and dry. Sometimes I feel like I can't do this. I may have to break down and ask my family for more help. But I can't. My mom is barely living off what she gets for disability and her husbands income, my step-dad ( who I know has the money) is so tight with his money he barely gives my brother and I money at Christmas, and my real dad justs wants to lecture me.
I want to get a second job and already have the wheels in motion to get one that I can work one day a week to make some extra but that's going to be a month or so before I can get that. But if that doesn't work I don't know what I will do.
HELP!!!!!!

I got a response and he said he will help. That's a start.

How do you walk away without really saying goodbye?

 How can a man who says they love you just say it's over without a real explanation?  That's the question that's been on my mind day after day night after night.  The only thing I can come up with is that he really didn't love me. But why would he have stayed with me for 12 years.  Was it society telling him one thing and his heart telling him another?  Why wasn't he strong enough to say the hell with society, I made my own decisions, deal with it?

Am I too old for the fairy tale???

Fairy tale ending, does it really exist? Ever since I was a little girl I have wanted the happily ever after fairy tale ending. The one where I get married in the big white dress, at the big church and have an amazing reception with all my friends and family there to celebrate. After the wedding my husband and I live in the amazing house, have kids, and we grow old together until the day we die.

Well here I am at 40 and I have yet to see that happen. I don't want to give up but every time I think it's going to happen, something gets in the way. 

What to do with his stuff?

Hmmmm.....so many ideas come to mind. Put it outside for the neighborhood cats to pee on? How about drop it off to him while he is at work and because he locks his car leave it out for everyone to go through? Ok, ok so I wont do either of those things because I feel I am the adult and I want to be civil about this. I tried to call him but he doesn't return any calls. I texted but those don't get returned either. I don't even try email because he probably has me blocked on that too. I did call his parents house, where he is living, and his mother finally answered the phone. Her response was to leave it on the porch there. I said no I wanted to talk to him. She of course responded that he didn't want to talk to me and I should leave that as closure. I told her it was between him and I and I wasn't going to discuss this with her. She kept going on, so I hung up on her. (I know not very adult, but I feel she is one of the reasons he left, she didn't care for me much) Is it wrong of me to want that closure, to be able to tell him how I feel? I want to be heard damn it! I also want to know what the real reason is for him leaving. It can't be just because I'm a slob (as he put it). I considered tonight meeting him at work (he works nights) but then thought against it because I don't want him more mad at me. Part of me wants to give him his space for a while but then there is the other part that says no I want this done too.